when i used to work for my brother, doing his bookwork, which itself seems like another life ago, he had a client called thank god its friday.... a bar i think. and anyway, today im thinking that i would like to be there...saluting the fact that i have survived this trying week. and giving thanks (whilst being served alcohol) for the family i grew up in and around. we may all be dysfunctional in one way or another, but my goodness,, the things that matter, mattered. and they still do. and really, thats all that matters. and any annoyances i have with any of my family, dont amount to much in the end. and so i am also thankful for this trying week because it has spoken loud to me:
unconditional love. and. the world needs more art.
i could go on rambling, and since this is my blog, i may as well.
the greed of people has been up close , breathing on me like some evil green monster. it was horrible, very horrible. maybe like a scary dream of a child. i wanted to yell, spit even , go away but instead i blocked the energy of it. let it breathe its nasty breath. eventually it stopped. and went away.
and i found myself chanting....go away go away leave us alone. a whirlpool of emotion. anger and disgust. even sadness for the monster. guilt for even thinking of the monster as a monster.
but after awhile, the gratitude and the peace came. because i have a beautiful dad. and a beautiful mum. and i have our children. they burst with love. how i want to protect them from all the monsters out there. so hard..so very hard...because i cant can i?