i couldnt sleep last night. first it was a very loud bull mooing and carrying on outside my bedroom window. i lay for a minute trying to work out how close the sound was.. i had a panic moment of whether the gates were shut. i woke my boy and he mumbled something that assured me that the bull was pretty much locked in a paddock. although unless there is electricity buzzing through the fences, they will just walk right on through them if they feel like it. i felt assured enough to drift back to sleep to the sound of a bull. strange i know.
then it was Millie the cat chasing Coco the cat around the house at 2am. Millie has a bell around her neck.... the jingling woke me out of the sleep i had just found after the mooing. Out of bed I jumped and out the door went Millie.
and then 5.50 am im awake again. for no apparent reason. so I thought i may as well stay awake and enjoy some quiet time in the dark of early morning. I started to finish off the tops Ive printed...ironing and sewing labels. . I think i managed five before i mumbled to myself there must be a better (easier) way to heat set my prints. ironing is a rotten job. firstly because i have a tendency to burn myself and secondly because i dont like the unknown of whether the print is set or not. this here is my non-committment issue. i give up. too easily.
i went outside just as it was getting light. the birds were singing. one bird in particular. i couldnt see it. but i was sure it was calling me. i thought of my dad.
yesterday and last night it rained. you dont know what a relief that is for us, for all of the farmers around here. the sound of rain falling brought such happiness to my heart. for my boy.
the spring sunshine was warming the earth too quickly and all the seed we have planted...10 hectares of it, will now grow into a lot of food. so happy. such relief.
water..its so much more than just water. but that is a story for another time. something i want to explore further.
so anyway, i venture back inside to read soulemamas blog. such a sweet story.
i remember too carrying around my little ones. my amelie is 4 and i still carry her short distances in my arms. sindri is 7 and last night i carried him from our bed to his bed. and veda is almost ten and i can lift her up and put her pretty much straight back down again. she is almost as tall as me. gulp. the feeling of their little bodies in my arms..i hope i will always feel them in my arms as they grow bigger and bigger.
but anyway.. i then realised the reason i couldnt sleep last night was because veda wasnt home in her bed. she was at her friends birthday sleepover party. and although i love her friend and her family and wasnt worried at all...it was just that veda was far from us. letting go is not easy.
when i hear from other people sweet stories about things my kids have done, or i see them being really beautiful caring friends my heart almost explodes with joy. im often in awe of our kids.
so today i will pick up veda from her friends. no doubt she will be tired and grumpy and will have grown one tiny bit more after spending a night away , and with her friends. i will be gentle with her...or i will try to be.... and let her find her way back into her home.
did i tell you how much i love our blossom trees. oh goodness. i bought a pink blossom the other day because after driving around the country side spotting them with amelie i decided we really need one in our garden. and then we ended up at this little nursery and they had one waiting for me for $10. perfect. how excited amelie and i were.
and our big old plum tree is now a white blossoming popcorn tree. its beautiful. theres certain times in our garden, just like in life where i would like to press pause. i would press it now. today.
and now the morning is here and soon fuzzy warm amelie and sindri will tumble in, out of their beds.
im sure i will be the tired grumpy one at about 7pm tonight...but the morning has been nice.